The Darkness
by Brandywine421
Summary: Darien has to fight a new evil, one he caused himself...................
1. Default Chapter

Author: Brandywine421
    
    _Author:Brandywine421_
    
    _Rating:PG-13_
    
    _Spoilers:BROTHER'S KEEPERetc._
    
    _Disclaimer:I don't own these characters, they belong to sci-fi._
    
    _ _

Darien Fawkes runs a hand through his hair as he walks into the Keep.The Official had taken one look at him and sent him to the Keeper.

He has dark bags under his eyes and he was running late again so he has several days' stubble on his chin and lip.He has lost several pounds in the last few weeks but he doesn't think that anyone has noticed.

His partner, Bobby Hobbes, and his doctor, Claire, the Keeper, are talking quietly by the fish tank.They freeze when they notice Darien.

"Hey, partner," Hobbes nods.

"If I'm interrupting, I could come back," Darien says quietly.He is exhausted.He spends all day smiling, joking, and pretending that he is fine while he spends all night drinking and avoiding his demons.

"The Official said I should come see you," He nods to Claire.

"I'll be in my office," Hobbes excuses himself.

Darien hops into the chair."So, what were you and Hobbesy so intense in conversation about?" 

"You, actually," Claire replies.

"Me?"Darien asks, in false surprise."What about me?"

Claire puts down her clipboard, loudly."Jesus, Darien.Do you think we can't see what's happening to you?"

"Keep, what's happening to me?"Darien asks, slightly amused.

"You're losing weight.Bobby says you aren't eating.You're clearly not sleeping considering those black bruises under your eyes.Darien, I want you to talk to me.I want you to tell me what's wrong."Claire looks at him with pure concern.

"I'm fine, Claire.I'm perfectly o.k."Darien replies flatly.His amusement is gone.Something inside snapped when he realized that Claire is worried.He can feel his tenuous control start to crack.

She touches his hand."Darien.You're not okay.Are you depressed?Is this about Kevin?"

Darien jerks away."Like I'd ever tell you anything about Kevin."His anger surges before he can stop it."You of all people, you went out with Kevin for a year but you didn't feel the need to tell me about it and now you want me to talk to you."

Claire looks as if she's been struck."Darien…"

He waves her voice away."Never mind…what do you need from me today?"

"No, Darien, we need to talk about this…I never thought…" Claire stammers.

"What do you need from me, Claire."He forces himself to stay calm.He found out from Bobby about Claire and his dead brother's relationship and is intensely hurt that Claire didn't tell him.He has to keep his emotions in check, though.

"Darien," Claire starts to try again.

"Look, I don't need a lecture.I'll eat more.I'll get more rest, whatever you tell me to do, I'll do.Are we done?"Darien sighs.He can't keep it together much longer.

"No, Darien, we're not done…" Claire says.

"Well, I'm done.I'm going home.Tell everybody I'm taking a sick day because I'm sick."Darien stands up and goes to the door."I'm sick of this crap."His voice cracks slightly but he leaves abruptly to cover it.

Its only noon, but he stops by the liquor store and gets a bottle of Jack Daniels.He goes home.He hurriedly changes his clothes and dresses in a pair of jeans and a black turtleneck.He needs some air.

When he pulls away from the curb, he sees Hobbes' tan van parking behind him.Darien waves and peels off.He loses Hobbes' tail a few streets later.He drives up into the hills and takes his liquor out onto a cliff's edge.He isn't going to jump, he just likes the feeling of nothing on one side of him.He is so trapped in his life that he likes having a clear sky as one of his walls.He drinks.

He finishes the bottle a little after dusk.He has been sitting on the ledge for hours, watching the sky and thinking.He has come to no new conclusions.His brother saved him from life in prison by giving him a life in hell.He has a gland in his head that lets him become invisible for short periods.Without a regular shot, he goes insane.Darien has to serve the agency and be a lab rat in order to get his shots.His brother was murdered and he is all alone.

Recently, he was injected with Kevin's memory RNA in order to let Kevin's memories take over Darien's body while he was sleeping.The process worked, but Kevin refused to reveal how to remove the gland before erasing his memories.Darien is confused.He never thought Kevin's research would come before a brother's love, but here he is.Trapped.

He tosses the bottle over the edge.He hears it shatter and he starts to sob.

It is dark when he stops crying.He sighs and slowly gets to his feet.He stumbles through the woods to his car.

"'Bout time," Bobby Hobbes says, leaning on the hood of Darien's car.

"What's up, Bobby.How long have you been standing out here?"Darien sighs.All he wants is some space, a little privacy.

"A while.How long have you been here, partner?"Hobbes asks, trying to mask his concern.

"A while," Darien replies.

"Darien," Bobby starts.

"Don't, Hobbes," Darien says, holding up his hand."You never call me Darien so I know whatever you say is just going to piss me off."He runs both his hands through his hair."All of a sudden everybody wants to 'talk to me', like that's going to solve everything."

"It can't hurt, Fawkes," Bobby says.

Darien nods."That's certainly true, but its not what I need right now.I need some freaking time alone.He staggers slightly on his way to the driver's side.

"Fawkes…Are you drunk?"Hobbes asks, realization washing across his face.

Darien shakes his head."Nope.I was drunk an hour ago.Now, I'm numb.I'm going home."

"You're not driving," Bobby says, sounding like he could laugh.

Darien looks at the keys in his hand and then at Bobby.

"Give me your keys, Fawkes."

Darien looks at his keys again.

"Fawkes."

Darien tosses the keys to Bobby.Bobby climbs into the driver's seat and Darien settles in behind the glove box.

"You're drinking," Hobbes says, dryly, once they are on the highway.

"Not right now," Darien replies.He leans his head on his hand propped against the glass.

"You're not a drinker, Fawkes.I've known drinkers," Bobby says.

"Oh, so it's finally lecture time," Darien sighs.

"Fawkes.How long have you been drinking?"

The concern in Bobby's voice starts to damage the wall in Darien's emotions.He doesn't trust anyone right now, but Hobbes is different.Hobbes has never disappointed him.

"Since I was about twelve," Darien remarks.

"Come on, Fawkes.If anyone's going to understand a breakdown, its gonna be Bobby Hobbes," He says gently.

Darien snorts."Is that what's happening to me?I'm having a breakdown?"

"Prove me wrong.Talk to me, Fawkes.Not the agency, not the keeper, talk to me."

Darien closes his eyes as the alcohol pulses in his body.He hasn't eaten in days and the Jack is boiling in his starved stomach.

"I can't sleep," Darien hears himself saying."I can't eat.Those are two of my favorite things to do and I can't do them.If I sleep, I dream and it's not about bikini-clad supermodels, either.When I eat, my stomach churns and I have to puke.I haven't been able to keep any food down in weeks.I stopped trying a few days ago.So, I bought some beer.Fills my stomach and sings me to sleep."

Bobby listens calmly."You don't smell like beer to me, partner."

Darien sighs, his skin crawling from his uncontrollable speech.He doesn't want anyone to know, he knows that once they know, they'll take away the one thing that brings him peace.

"Beer's expensive.Come on, Bobby.The truth.Has it affected my work?Haven't we completed every mission lately?So, I drink a little to calm my nerves.So what?"

"It's killing you," Hobbes states.

"The gland is killing me," Darien replies.

"Fawkes."

"Hobbes," Darien replies, before Hobbes can finish his statement."Can we drop it?"He feels one of his episodes coming on.Recently, he has been having dizzy spells where he shakes violently and starts to sweat.He only gets them when he gets over-anxious or upset.

"Fawkes, man, you've…" Bobby starts.

"Drop it," Darien repeats.Hobbes glances at him.Darien starts to tremble and his skin pales.

"What's wrong?"Hobbes asks, slowing the car.

"I'm fine.Just drunk, remember?"Darien replies, quivering.He doesn't realize that Bobby has pulled over to the shoulder.

Darien holds his head.His mind is swirling and he can't breathe.He feels millions of pins in his skin.

"Fawkes, you're hyperventilating, kid.Breathe in this bag.Do it."Hobbes orders, holding out the paper sack that the Jack Daniels came in.

Darien obeys to keep the peace.He can't believe that he lost control in front of his partner.His eyes are closed but he can picture Bobby's confused and worried face looking at him. Finally, he can focus again as the panic recedes into his mind.

"Fawkes.You okay?"Bobby asks quietly.

"Yeah.Can we go?"Darien asks.

"You just had a panic attack," Hobbes says, not moving.

Darien snorts, trying to recover his indifference."I'm fine.I get dizzy."

"Bullshit, Fawkes.Why won't you let me help you?"Bobby asks, exasperated. He starts to drive again.

"'Cause I'm fine.I don't need your help.I need some privacy, some space," Darien replies, absently wishing for a drink.

Bobby shakes his head.Later, he pulls up to Darien's apartment."I'll bring your car in the morning, Fawkes.I don't want you driving around all night in this condition."

"Whatever," Darien replies, knowing Hobbes will be by early to check on him.

"Fawkes.Will you call me if you…if you decide you want some help?"Bobby asks, as Darien walks to the door.

Darien goes upstairs without reply.He opens his door with the spare key since Bobby has his keys.He flips on a light and opens the freezer.He turns and sees a number of empty bottles scattered around, but no liquor.He feels several dollars in his jeans so he retrieves the spare key and goes for a walk to the corner.

He buys a pint of Southern Comfort with his cash and drinks half of it in the parking lot.He finds himself more drunk than he expected as he stumbles on the curb as he walks home.He recovers and slowly continues.

Darien doesn't notice the boys until the first fist contacts his face.He doesn't react until the fifth punch hits his stomach.He falls and the kicks start.

The thugs search his crumpled body for cash and cards.Darien doesn't fight, he can't get his injured body to cooperate.

"Freaking drunk," Someone says, and he feels a slice across his chest and the sound of his shirt ripping.

"What the hell are you doing?"Another voice asks.

Darien feels the knife pierce his side and feels the hot blood pulsing from his flesh.

"He deserves it.He probably wants to die," His attacker says.

"You're nuts!Let's go!"

Darien hears their feet scrambling away.He relaxes slightly and spits blood onto the sidewalk.He allows himself a moment of rest before struggling to his feet.

He can see the door to his apartment.He was so close.Darien glances in his hand and realizes that he still has his whiskey.He holds the bottle against his bleeding side and slowly staggers upstairs.

Darien collapses on his couch, the pain getting more intense by the second.His head is spinning and his vision is dotted with stars.

He tries to think of what he should do.He could save his pride and sit here until he bleeds to death.He could call Bobby and admit that he drinks too much but that would involve the Keeper and the Agency.He would probably even get a lecture about damaging the million-dollar gland from the Official.

Darien tries to clear his head.Finally, he realizes the flaw in his logic.The choices are simply, live or die.This particular choice shouldn't take him much thought, but he sits, pensive.

Darien takes a harsh swallow of whiskey and dials Bobby's number.


	2. Part 2

"Bobby Hobbes," Darien hears in his ear.He doesn't speak.

"Hello?Look you asshole…" Hobbes starts.

"Hobbes," Darien says, his voice weak.

"Fawkes?Is that you?"

"Yeah, Bobby.Um…do you think you could come over here?"Darien closes his eyes as he hears the patheticness(new word creation!) in his voice.

"Are you all right, Fawkes?"Hobbes asks.

"You might want to bring the Keeper with you," Darien sighs, holding his side.

"Fawkes, what is it?"

Darien sighs again, his lungs hurting."Can you just get here?"He summons his energy and throws the phone across the room.

He can't believe how everything has spun out of control.Darien was handling it.He found a way to sleep at night and to calm his tumultuous mind.

He lies on his couch, bleeding, but all he sees is his brother's bleeding body in h is arms.He can almost feel Kevin's life slipping away.Then he sees Allianora, her life running out of her like water onto the floor beneath him.Darien sees the red of his mad eyes reflected in the blood.Darien stops holding his side and holds his face in his hands.He just wants it all to stop.He's tired of hurting.He's tired of thinking.He wishes the darkness would take him.If not the darkness of death, then at least madness.He wouldn't be in such turmoil if he would let the insanity have him.Darien is tired of caring.He finishes his whiskey and throws it against the wall.It shatters at the same moment that his door opens. 

"Fawkes, there's blood everywhere, where are you?"Hobbes calls. 

"Darien, what happened?"Claire asks, kneeling beside the couch.

"I got jumped on my way back from the store," Darien says, wincing at the Keeper's touch.

"God.Bobby, go get my bag from my truck.Go now," Claire orders.Bobby leaves, looking stricken.

"You're bleeding so much, Darien, my God, aren't you in pain?"She asks.

Darien shakes his head. "No more than usual.I'm sure Bobby's filled you in."

Bobby walks in with Claire's doctor bag."I didn't tell her anything, Fawkes.I wanted to talk to you more."

"What are you talking about?"Claire asks, cutting off Darien's shredded shirt.

"Tell her now, Bobby.I'm tired," Darien says, his vision wavering.

"Stay awake, Darien, I don't want you passing out on me," Claire scolds."Bobby, what is he talking about?"

"He's drinking," Bobby says.

"I know, I can smell it," She replies.

Hobbes shakes his head."He's drinking all the time.He's not eating or sleeping.He's just drinking."

"God," Darien winces as Claire cleans the gashes on his chest with antiseptic.

"But I'm his doctor, I would know," Claire starts."But I never…I haven't looked at that…god, Darien."

"Can we save the lecture?Can you fix me, Keeper?"

Claire looks at Darien, distraught."Would you let me?"

"What?"Darien asks, confused."Just sew me up or something."She starts to fidget, upset.

"I can fix the outside but that's not the problem," She says, bandaging his wound carefully, intent on her work.

"Fawkes," Bobby warns, seeing Darien's expression."How bad is it, Keep?"

"Not bad.He lost a lot of blood but nothing that can't be replaced," Claire sighs.

"Did I damage the gland?"Darien asks, cruelly.

"Darien, I didn't come over here because of the damned gland.I'm worried about you," She says.

Darien wants to believe her, but he won't let himself.She used to date his brother and she didn't tell him.He turns away.

"Fawkes.Come on, let's get you cleaned up."Hobbes pulls him unsteadily to his feet.Darien lets Bobby help him to the bathroom.

"Thanks for coming, Bobby," Darien says, sitting on the toilet heavily.

"There are strings attached, you know," Hobbes replies, handing him a warm washcloth.

"I figured," Darien admits.He hears a strange sound coming from the other room.

Hobbes nods toward the noise."That's the Keeper.She's crying because you won't talk to her."

Darien looks up in surprise.

"Fawkes, man, you've got to get a handle on this."Bobby looks at him sadly."You're slipping away, kid.Can you feel yourself sliding?"

Darien nods."I'm handling it."

Bobby shakes his head."Look at yourself, Darien.You know this isn't the right way.This isn't you."

Darien washes blood off his face."I don't know who I am anymore, Bobby.I'm not Darien Fawkes anymore.I'm the invisible man."He quicksilvers a hand and waves it at Bobby.

"You're more than that and you know it.You've got a lot on your plate right now, but I know you can handle it."Bobby is distracted by Claire's sobs.

"You should go talk to her," Darien says.

"Fawkes, its not me she wants to talk to, it's you.Why are you so anti-Claire these days?"Bobby asks.

"Its that who Cal-Tech thing where she went out with Kevin.I can't get past it, Hobbes.I mean, the thing I regret most about my life is that Kevin and I weren't closer.She knew Kev for a year.A year.She probably knows all kinds of things about him that I don't but she didn't think that it was important enough to bring up."Darien allows himself this confession.

"Fawkes, she's one of the nameless ones.We're not supposed to know anything about her," Hobbes tries to defend.

"Don't give me excuses," Darien retorts."That's not my world.I live in a world where friends tell each other things like that.I thought she was my friend."

Hobbes sighs."I'll get you a clean shirt."

Darien sighs, enjoying the moment alone.He knows Bobby is trying to help but he can't cope with the feeling of betrayal with Claire.He would love nothing more than to curl up in her arms and listen to her soft British accent talk him to sleep, but he can't.

Hobbes talks quietly to the Keeper before returning with a loose button-down shirt.Darien gingerly puts it on and buttons a few buttons.

"I can't let you destroy yourself, Fawkes.You don't deserve to go out like this," Hobbes says quietly.

"I'm not dying Hobbes," Fawkes sighs, tired of talking.

"Yes, you are," Bobby replies."You've lost hope so you're as good as dead.You've not eating, man, how long do you think you're going to live like that?Look in my eyes and tell me that you're okay.Tell me that you can live happily the way things are now."

Darien looks at him, but cannot speak. 

"Tell me, Fawkes," Bobby nods."You can't."

"Okay.I'm not happy.I'm miserable.I'm a stranger in my own skin and I hate it.I hate being scared all the time and I hate being Agency property and I hate reliving the most devastating moments of my life every freaking night but you know what, Bobby?There's nothing I can do about it.I can jump off a bridge, I can slit my wrists or I can come home and have a few mind-numbing beverages.It's the only thing that helps, Bobby," Darien says, out of breath.

Bobby is startled by Darien's confession.

Darien looks away."God, I'm really wasted."

"And you're really hurt, too.You need to get some sleep, partner," Hobbes remarks.

Darien pulls himself to his feet and makes it to his bed.

Claire is nearby, cleaning the apartment.

Darien closes his eyes, the alcohol and his exhaustion overtaking the pain.

"He's gonna hurt like hell when that liquor wears off.I'm amazed he made it up here," He hears Claire say, quietly.

"I think that knife is the least of his worries," Bobby whispers and Darien falls asleep.

Darien is safe.He is safe and peaceful and then the blood red nightmare shatters across his psyche.

"Darien, shh, it's just a bad dream…its just a dream," He hears and he feels arms embracing him.He accepts the British voice and returns to sleep.

He wakes up with sunlight on his face.His stomach hurts, his chest hurts and his head hurts.He groans.

"Morning, Darien." 

"Hey, Claire.Did you stay all night?"Darien asks.She is sitting beside him on the rumpled bed.

She nods."Bobby's coming by later.Can I look at your wound?"

The night before resurfaces in his memory and he winces."I really did it this time, didn't I?"

She smiles slightly.She pulls up his shirt and fumbles gently with his bandages.She nods, satisfied and pulls his shirt back down.

Darien doesn't know what to say.

Claire brings him a glass of water and several pills."Here.Aspirin and vitamins.I don't want to give you anything stronger until more of the alcohol is out of your system."

He nods.He swallows the pills.

Claire sighs."Darien.About me and Kevin…"

"I don't want…" He starts.

"You are going to listen to me," She says, sternly."I came onto this project without knowing about Kevin.When I saw your name, I thought it was a coincidence and by the time I saw Kevin's name, I was already involved.I'm the Keeper.I have no name, no past, no personal life.If I were to tell you that I dated your brother, my entire cover would be compromised and I would be removed by the Agency."She pauses.

"I care about you, Darien.When…when Kevin was in your body…a lot of things came back to me.We were in love but we were also scientists.When we graduated, we both went into different directions, into agencies where we weren't allowed to contact our past connections.When I found out Kevin was dead, it was right when I met you."

Claire leans forward."I don't know how I can make you understand.I want to help you and I think that I can.If anyone finds out that I used to date your brother, I get removed, sent to another corner of the world, to another basement lab.When Kevin said those things in front of Hobbes, I didn't know what to do."She sighs."At the end of the day, when it boils down to telling you about Kevin and me or being in your life, I have to choose the second."

Darien has trouble processing the information.Claire has her hand on his and she seems sincere. In reply, Darien vomits off the opposite edge of the bed.

Claire goes to get something to clean the vomit giving Darien a chance to reflect.

She didn't tell him because she doesn't want to leave him.Does he believe that?Darien's mind is too cluttered to decide.He pulls the covers over his head and tries to find sleep again.


	3. Part 3

Darien rolls over later in the day.He gingerly sits up and looks around him.Claire is sleeping fitfully on the couch that she has turned to face him.He regrets his anger toward her.She has stayed by his side even though he has been being a complete idiot lately.His hangover crashes into him, pinning him to the bed.He is nauseous and his emotions are tumbling around in his head.Claire, Bobby, Kevin, Allianora, he sees faces all around him and he doesn't know why the room is spinning.

"Darien, what's wrong?"Claire asks, waking up to his moaning in distress.

"Claire, something's wrong…" He says, "I'm freaking out."

"You're going into D.T.'s.Alcohol withdrawal.It's been a while since your body has had any alcohol and it's angry," Claire explains."I didn't think you had been drinking enough for this to happen."

"Well, how do I make it stop?"Darien asks, shaking and looking around anxiously.

"This is just the beginning, Darien.Look at me.Do you want to get better?"Claire asks him, taking his face in her hands."Are you going to stop drinking?"

Darien closes his eyes.He just wants the chaos to stop."I don't know."

"Darien.Are you going to stop drinking?"Claire asks again.

Darien looks at her, helplessly.Finally, after several minutes, he asks quietly, "Will you help me?"

Claire almost cries in relief."Yes, Darien, I'll help you."

Nothing soothes Darien for the next few hours.Claire finally calls Bobby to come and help her.Darien tosses, turns, and every movement hurts his chest and side.He can't control his stomach and dry heaves almost constantly.He starts to hallucinate and become violent.

Bobby lets himself in and finds Claire holding Darien's struggling body against the bed.

"Damn, this is pretty bad," Bobby says, taking over the restraining of their friend.

Claire leans back, panting."He's been really out of it for the last twenty minutes.He doesn't know where he is or who I am."

"Get off me, you bastard!"Darien whispers, with clenched teeth."I didn't take your VCR!"

"Jesus," Bobby says, as Darien struggles violently."Isn't there anything you can do?"

"I could give him a tranquilizer but considering that we're trying to cleanse his body of drugs, it might not be the right way to go," Claire sighs.She leans over Darien.

"Darien, it's Claire, do you know who I am?"She says, trying to reach him through his glazed eyes.

Darien stares right through her."I didn't take your VCR!"

Bobby lets himself smile.

Claire goes into the kitchen and pours herself a cup of coffee."Let's try something different, Bobby.Let him go."

Bobby releases Darien's arms and Darien, not knowing what to do, becomes passive.He lies still, catching his breath.

"Darien?"Bobby says, quietly.

"Yeah?"Darien asks, looking at him, dazed.

"It's Bobby, kid, your partner?"

Darien shakes his sweaty head."I work alone.You know that.Ever since Sinclair…" He turns his head away.

"I wonder who Sinclair is," Bobby says to Claire.They watch over the now passive Darien from a safe distance."You ever handle something like this before?"

Claire shakes her head."Nope.I've read about it, but this is more intense than I could have imagined."

Bobby nods."He's having a really rough time.I had no idea that he was drinking.I should have paid more attention.I mean, I knew he was hurting, but I thought he could handle it."

"He's a good man.He doesn't deserve this, but by drinking, he's just making it worse."Claire sighs."What did you tell the Official?"

Bobby takes a swallow of Claire's coffee."I said that Fawkes got jumped last night and couldn't come to work for a few days.He wants you to call him with an update of his condition."

Darien has settled down when Claire and Bobby return to his bedside.Claire takes a cool cloth and mops the sweat from his forehead.Darien's pajamas are damp with sweat.He looks over to her.

"Claire?" 

"I'm still here, Darien.How're you doing?"She asks, glad to see comprehension in his eyes.

"I'm a little freaked out…hey Bobby," Darien says, sensing his friend's presence.

"Hey yourself, kid.Glad you recognize me," Bobby says. 

"As if I could forget you," Darien snorts."Keep, how much longer is this going to last, I feel like I'm dying."

"You shouldn't be sick much longer, Darien, but it could take a couple of days for you to be well again," Claire replies, honestly.

"I feel like hell and the only thing that means anything to me right now is getting a drink, that's the only thing that'll make me feel better," Darien says sadly."I didn't think I'd ever want anything more than counteragent but this…craving…it's unbelievable."

"You have to fight it, Fawkes.If you could see yourself…" Bobby stops himself.

"I can imagine, considering the way I feel, how bad I must be.What I can't figure out is why you guys are hanging around."Darien looks at Claire.

"You're our friend, Darien.No matter what you tell yourself, I am your friend," Claire says quietly.

Darien rolls over in his rumpled bed.He mutters, "Thanks."

Darien feels better when he wakes up.He sees Claire dozing on the couch and Bobby is squinting his eyes at one of Darien's philosophy magazines.

"Hey, Bobby.Do you think you could give me a hand?"Darien's throat is sore from the dry heaving he has been doing, but Bobby hears him.

"What do you need?"

"I want to get a shower.I feel dirty.Do I need doctor's clearance for a shower?"Darien looks to Claire who is yawning.

"You should be okay, but are you sure you're strong enough?You tried to run away a few hours ago but you were too weak to stand.Maybe a bath would be better?"Claire smiles, reassuringly.

Once Darien swings his legs over the side of the bed, he realizes that Claire is right.He is overcome with dizziness and weakness."Damn.Maybe I'll wait."

"Why don't you try to eat something?Soup?It'll make you stronger."Claire goes into his kitchen.

"You seem to be feeling better," Bobby remarks, sitting beside his friend.

"I guess.I can't believe you guys have been staying with me this whole time.I'm a mess," Darien admits.

"You're struggling.We all struggle sometimes."Bobby gets a faraway look in his eye."I wish I had seen it sooner."

"I can't believe how I have lost control of my life, Bobby.I'm flying blind.I do what I am told when I am told and that's all I can do.I don't know what else to do but jump through the Agency's hoops.I miss my life."Darien sighs hopelessly.

"You have your life, Darien," Bobby says, quietly."It may not be the same one you had before, but it is yours.You are the only man that can do this job.Kevin knew that when he sprung you."

Darien snorts."Screw that.Kevin needed a lab rat and he found the most desperate person he could, me.Now I'm trapped."

Claire comes in, carrying a tray with a steaming bowl."You are going to eat this."

"Yes, mother," Darien replies.

Bobby wants to continue the conversation."Isn't there anything that you get out of working for the Agency, Fawkes?"

Darien blows on a spoonful of soup, thinking."I mean, you guys are my friends, but besides that…not really."

"You would rather be stealing people's things than helping save children?Are you sure?"Claire asks.

"Well when you put it that way it sounds like I'm a heartless bastard," Darien remarks."I just wish that I had a choice.A little free will."

"But you don't.You have to make lemonade," Bobby says.

"What?"Darien asks, choking on his soup.

"Lemonade.You know.When life hands you lemons…" Bobby starts.

"Make lemonade, yeah, its just, coming from you…anyway."Darien smiles at Claire.

"He's right.You have done the best that you could, Darien and no one expects any more from you than you've already given.I'm trying my best to get the gland out of you, but…I'm not Kevin."Claire looks at the floor."I don't want you to give up and doing this…drinking, it's like you're giving up."

Darien nods.It hurts him to know that he has caused them pain.He knows that he needs to talk to Claire, but he doesn't want to do it in front of Bobby.Darien realizes how important Claire is in his life.She loved his brother, he thinks, and he realizes how difficult it must be for her to work with him every day.

"Who's Sinclair?"Bobby asks, curious.

Darien freezes with the spoon halfway to his mouth.His appetite starts to waver."What?"

"You were talking about somebody named Sinclair.You said that you worked alone after Sinclair, I was just wondering who Sinclair was," Bobby replies, watching his reaction with renewed interest.

Darien slurps his soup as he thinks of what he should say.Sinclair was Darien's partner in crime when he was young.They did all their jobs together.Sinclair was Darien's best friend.Sinclair was killed during a botched museum job and Darien doesn't allow himself to think about him.Ever.He hasn't repressed the memory, but if he knew how, he would have.He lost so many people, first his mom, then his best friend.After Sinclair, Darien never felt the same way about making friends.He became a loner by choice.

"Darien?"Claire breaks through his thoughts."You alright?"

"Yeah."He doesn't look at Bobby. "Sinclair was an old friend.Someone I don't talk about."

Bobby slowly nods."Okay, buddy.I'm sorry for bringing it up, I just thought that since you mentioned him that…"

"Its okay.I just don't like to talk about him," Darien interrupts."I'm going to go wash up."Bobby helps Darien hobble to the bathroom.His wounds throb when he finally settles, leaning against the sink.

Claire sticks her head in."I want to change your dressings after you're done, Darien.Call me if you need any help."She leaves.

"You should ask her for a sponge bath," Bobby jokes.

Darien smiles."Maybe later.Can you…" Bobby nods and leaves Darien alone.

Darien looks at his pale drawn face in the mirror.He looks like a cancer patient on crack.His face is pale and bruised from the attack and he has dark bags under his eyes.He has never let his appearance deteriorate this much.His hair is plastered against his head.He thinks back to Sinclair.

"Man, you think you've got it so bad, Dary, but you're a king in my opinion," Sinclair said, leaning his short lean body against the fence outside of the ramshackle house he shared with his father.

"I'm not a king, I'm a pauper," Darien had replied from the grass beside him.

"Shit, Dary.You've got a brother who loves you.He bailed your skinny ass out of jail while I sat in that cell for three days.You've got an aunt and an uncle who let you stay with them.You've got a car, ghetto as it may be, but its yours.Damn, Dary, you even get girls sometimes with that skinny ass, what else do you want?"Sinclair had flicked his cigarette into the street."You have to be able to see the things you have before you can cry about your situation.You could be crippled, Dary, or fucking homeless, but you're not."

"Shit, Sinc, I know I have it okay but I'm not happy so I know that I'm missing something," Darien replied.

Sinclair squatted beside him."The only thing you're missing is a purpose.You're one of those dudes who needs something to strive for, a goal or some shit.All you need is something to fight for, like a cause.You aren't going to be satisfied robbing houses for the rest of your life; you need the rush, the high from more action.You're one of those people who will never be satisfied with what they have but you'll cry like hell when someone takes it away."

Darien shakes off the memory of his friend.He wonders why after all this time, he remembers Sinc so vividly all of a sudden.Maybe it's because of his advice.Darien looks at himself in the mirror again then splashes his face and foams up his chin with shaving cream.Sinclair.


	4. Part 4/Fin

Darien feels cleaner when he finishes his painful shower, but his wounds nag at him.He walks out of the bathroom shirtless wearing a pair of pajama pants.

"Let me help you, Darien," The Keeper offers, placing his arm around her shoulder and trying to help his staggering body to the bed.

"I can do it," Darien protests.

"I know you can, but humor me," She replies dryly.She is quiet once he relaxes and allows her to hold some of his weight.

Once he is seated on the bed, he sighs audibly."Claire," He starts. 

"Are you sure you feel up to a deep conversation?"She asks, hesitatingly.

"As sure as I ever was," He replies."I'm sorry about getting pissed at you.I didn't think about you and Kevin that way, I was self-absorbed as usual and I'm sorry.I can tell by the way you told me that you loved Kevin and I'm sorry that now he's lost to both of us."

Claire sits down beside him."Darien…"

"I feel like I'm losing everything inside me, like its drowning in the quicksilver."He looks at her, sadly."I'm slowly fading away, Claire, and nothing's going to stop it."

She puts an arm around him and pulls him into an embrace."Darien, don't let it happen.You fight it.I want to see you come into the Agency with a smile on your face and twinkling eyes.I know you want to, you aren't supposed to be depressed, you're supposed to be able to sleep, but it's not the gland, Darien.It's you.You're doing it to yourself.It's like you're digging a pity hole and sure, if you keep digging, you'll eventually bury yourself, but you can always climb out."

Darien looks at her, curiously, but nods.

"I was thinking about an old friend of mine when I was in there.Sinclair.He's been dead, god, fifteen years or so.I went through this before, right after my mom died, years ago, and Sinclair pulled me out.I met him right after she died and he made me appreciate life again.He said once 'Don't get used to getting pulled back over the edge 'cause one day your partner might be taking a piss'," He smiles."I would always fuck up something at every job and he would fix it."

Claire nods, listening.

Darien looks at her with a reminiscent smile."Sinclair was strong and he died but I'm still here, and I'm weaker than he was.But, since he's gone and Kevin's gone, I guess I'm just gonna have to buck up and live the life that I'm given.It's not as bad as it could be, and I need to stop making it worse."He waves his hand."This drinking is like tearing open a wound over and over so it never gets a chance to heal."

Claire squeezes him reassuringly."You have help.You have friends that care about you.You have to come to us before it gets this bad.You can't solve some problems by yourself and you're not expected to."

Darien nods."I see that.It took all this for me to see what was right beside me."

Claire sits quietly, content to hold Darien.

"Guess what?"

"What?"Claire replies, smiling slightly.

"I'm about to ask you for help."

"What is it?"Claire asks, concerned.

He pulls from her embrace and smiles at her."Do you think I should cut my hair?"

Claire laughs for the first time in days and Darien starts to feel a lot better.

----"What if people get everything they expect?What becomes of hope?"--------7mary3 song lyric


End file.
